Part 2 – Christianity, Complementarity and Equality: a compatible concoction?

PART 2: COMPLEMENTARITY

This post makes up part of the series of posts on Christianity, Complementarity and Equality: a compatible concoction?  You can find the Intro, Part 1 and Conclusion here, and Part 3 here. 

Recognising the differences between men and women doesn’t have to mean we reject the equal value and worth that they each bring to the table. That's what I'd like to talk to you about now.

Now, everyone knows the story of the creation of Adam and Eve in the Bible. God made the first human being from the dust of the earth, and gave him the lush Garden of Eden as his bachelor pad – full of beautiful greenery and good food, not to mention flowing waters. Adam even got the chance to meet every animal that God had just moulded and name them as he wished. He had it good! God clearly wanted the best for this Adam fellow. The concerned parent that He is, God said: “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18, NIV)

This is what followed:

And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.

And Adam said:

“This is now bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.”

Included in the chapter’s last lines are the words: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

So there you have it, the point from which it all began – the very first example of man and woman in the Bible shows them in a marriage – clearly fashioned as a relationship of mutual dependence. The phrase ‘one flesh’ represents the complementarity of two persons joined together physically and emotionally through marriage. The fact that God decides to make a woman as a companion and helper for Adam shows that he is not adequate alone. However, it is worth noting that it is the man who is created first. Moreover, it is Adam who is instructed not to eat the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, and it is he who God holds primarily responsible, scolding him first – even though it is Eve who ate the fruit first. This would all point to the man being the one who is charged with taking ultimate responsibility for actions and decisions; God designed the man to be the leader. By contrast, being created second and to provide companionship for the man, the woman was intended to be his helper and support him.

As a concept this was something I used to wrestle with. And seeing as this is the image that lies at the heart of the Bible’s teaching on the roles of men and women, more than a few times I found myself squirming when reading certain passages – written almost exclusively by Paul, who more and more appeared in my eyes as an appalling sexist.

I got tired of reading about women being ‘the weaker vessel’ and wasn’t crazy about the whole ‘wives, submit to your husbands’ thing (Ephesians 5:22). I’d seen enough of marriages where the man justified abusing his wife because she ‘ought to submit’ to his authority. I had no intention of being a doormat!  I needed answers. I wanted to discover for myself what my God-given role as a woman really meant.

First thing to note is that there is absolutely no question that men and women are of equal value and dignity in the eyes of God.

²⁷ So God created mankind in his own image,
                 in the image of God he created them;
                male and female he created them.

²⁸ God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

So Adam and Eve were both made in the image of God and were both instructed to fill and rule over the Earth, having place above plants and animals. This is clear evidence of God’s desire for equality.

However, equality does not mean sameness. Men and women are equal in status, but have different capacities. 

But what about the ‘Helper’ thing?

My instinctive response when hearing the word ‘helper’ used to describe the role of a woman whilst the word ‘leader’ was accorded to the man was always to cringe and consider it demeaning – as I expect many of you will have reacted on reading so far. In fact, as a term it is anything but derisive. Rather, it indicates that the man has gaps missing that can only be filled in by the woman – in the form of the unique capacities that she brings to the table. They are each most effective when they work as a team, compensating for what the other lacks. This is complementarity.

I’ll try and bring it home with a few examples:

Think of a choir, which has the soprano section at the top and the parts of the lower lines below (alto, tenor, bass etc). The soprano line may sing the tune and be the most audible to the audience, but without the other parts, it is weak. It does not have the full-bodied support of the lower lines. Similarly, in football, the strikers may be the ones who get the most glory but their efforts are cancelled out if the defence is weak. So it is with the husband and the wife. Without the support of the wife, the man can’t do much at all. If you prefer, she is ‘the fulfiller’: she helps him be the best he can be.

Let’s move on to the concept of the man being the one to whom the leadership role is assigned. Imagine a group activity for which a team leader is universally selected as the person best equipped to lead the team. He/she has team members who work together to achieve the objectives set down by the team leader. Without the members, the team leader’s role is redundant. Equally, if the team leader allows the power to get to his head and starts magnanimously ordering everyone around, his members will not be too happy! The effectiveness of the group will be undermined.

I’ve always appreciated an analogy that the pastor of my family church likes to use: the man is the head of the home but the woman is the neck. He may be the one responsible for making final decisions but if the woman ever disagrees, she can refuse to turn – and what can the head do then? The Bible verse Amos 3:3 asks for good reason: ‘Can two walk together unless they are agreed?’ This demonstrates that although the man is the one in the leadership position, the woman’s input is valued along every step of the way - her thoughts and opinions matter. The unique capability of foresight that a woman possesses means that often she may intuitively sense something fishy in a possible course of action before the man does.

Equality and Diversity, Unity and Order at the heart of the Godhead

If you’re still not convinced that embracing our differences as men and woman can go hand in hand with being equal, let me tell you something else. This model of interdependency and complementarity between a man and woman in fact mirrors the diversity, unity and order that are found at the very heart of God. We are reminded that the creation was realised not by God the Father alone, but by the three Persons in the Trinity:  God the Father, God the Son (Jesus) and God the Holy Spirit. ‘Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness […]" '. 

 The Holy Trinity is a concept that understandably befuddles a lot of people, so I’ll try to explain it using another analogy (all credit for this goes to the pastor at my home church in Manchester). Think of water. Water can be found in three forms: liquid; solid and gas. That doesn’t change the fact that it’s water. The same goes with the Trinity: each of the three Persons within the Godhead has a different function but they are all still one God. Jesus submits to the will of His Father but remains equal in deity and majesty. Order and diversity are important in achieving unity: having two captains steering the ship only leads to confusion!

The same goes for men and women: they have different roles but are equal in status. Moreover, the assignment of the role of ‘helper’ to the woman cannot be considered derogatory because God Himself is described as a ‘helper’ numerous times in the Bible! Take this example in Psalm 118:7, for one: ‘The Lord is with me; he is my helper. I look in triumph on my enemies.’

What’s more, God describes Himself using exclusively female imagery a significant amount of times in the Bible, showing that the woman’s mothering and nurturing instincts are prized by God.

“When Israel was a child, I loved him,
    and out of Egypt I called my son. […]
It was I who taught Ephraim to walk,
    taking them by the arms; […]
I led them with cords of human kindness,
    with ties of love.
To them I was like one who lifts
    a little child to the cheek,
    and I bent down to feed them.”                                                                           Hosea 11:3-4

In other images God pronounces His protective nature by describing Himself as a mother bear riled up by the seizure of her cubs; as an eagle stirring up its nest, hovering over its young and spreading its wings to carry them; and as a mother hen gathering her chicks together. God even likens himself to a woman in labour: ‘For a long time I have kept silent, / I have been quiet and held myself back. / But now, like a woman in childbirth, / I cry out, I gasp and pant.’

Click here to go on to read Part 3: Men and Women's Roles as laid out in the Bible.